Når dine børn savner

Ebbe-StafetForLivetBjerringbro2015

’Du favnede og elskede livet’, sådan lyder den hilsen, som Ebbes mor, Lene Munkholm, lige har skrevet på den hvide pose, han sidder og betragter.

Ebbe på 9 år er sammen med sin familie taget til Stafet for livet i Bjerringbro og sidder nu sammen med hundredvis af andre familier, der har mistet en kær i kampen mod cancer. Øjeblikket er intenst. Alles blik er rettet mod de mange poser med lys og hilsner til dem, som de savner i hverdagen.

40-årige Lene bruger Stafet for livet som en god anledning til at snakke med sine børn om det savn, hun lever med, efter at hun kun 20 år gammel mistede sin mor, der havde været syg af cancer gennem en periode. Og når snakken går på den realitet, at hendes børn ikke har oplevet deres mormor, siger hun: ’Ja, det ville helt sikkert have været ren kærlighed begge veje!’.

Else blev 45 år gammel. Hun var en fantastisk mor til Lene og hendes to storesøskende, gift med Knud i over 25 år og en trofast medarbejder på Grundfos, hvor hun blev ansat sidst i 70’erne. Hun passede sit job og sin familie godt og var i det hele taget en meget vellidt og favnende person. I 1995 måtte familien sige farvel til deres elskede mor.

At Else ikke fik lov til at opleve at blive bedstemor, kan være svært at acceptere – og ikke mindst forklare sine børn, når de spørger til, hvordan mormor var.

’Mine børn ‘savner’ selvfølgelig min mor på en anden måde, end jeg gør,’ siger Lene, der af og til fanger et gunstigt øjeblik til at fortælle om sin mor. Og der er da heller ingen tvivl om, at hendes børn gerne ville have oplevet deres mormor, selvom de har en fantastisk substitut i morfars kæreste.

F.eks. sad familien for nyligt og så et TV-program om folk, der har mistet kontakten med et familiemedlem. Der blev reklameret for at man kunne melde sig til programmet, hvis der var en bestemt person, man savnede og gerne ville have kontakt med. Ebbes storesøster Emma udbrød uden betænkningstid: ’Jeg vil gerne efterlyse min mormor, men det bliver nok lidt svært!’.

’Derfor varmer det rigtig meget, når nogen fortæller os om ting, de kan huske om min mor’, siger Lene. ’Og jeg smiler indeni, når jeg kigger på mine to børn og genkender små træk, som de må have arvet fra deres mormor – eller når de ‘fjumrer rundt’ præcist som hun gjorde.’ På den måde oplever hun, at hendes mor ikke er glemt og minderne kan gives videre til børnebørnene.

Lene bliver lidt eftertænksom og forklarer; ’Hun var der i min barndom og teenage-tid, som er så grundlæggende i ens liv og dannelse, men jeg har desværre ikke oplevet hende i mit voksenliv, og jeg er ked af, at jeg aldrig fik givet hende den anerkendelse, hun fortjente, og at hun ikke er en del af mit voksenlivs store øjeblikke.’

Nu da Lene selv er blevet mor, prøver hun at udleve de værdier, hun har fået med hjemmefra.

’Jeg vil også gerne huskes som en mor, der favnede og elskede livet’, siger hun med et smil.

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Barn i Danmark støtter Knæk Cancer og du kan være med!

bkc

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